The curious case of Sarah Ure
Further to my "Kylie Krazy" post a few weeks back, it's time to tell you about the curious case of Sarah Ure (aka "The Real Fan"), surely the most heinous troll I have *ever* come across on my internet travels.
The Sarah escapade happened more than eight years ago. The "kylie@rhythm.cx" mailing list doesn't even exist any more. Nevertheless, the mere mention of her name is still enough to send a chill down the spine of anyone who was silly enough to try and communicate with her.
Legend has it that by the time Sarah popped up out of nowhere, one spring afternoon in 2003, she'd already been banned for life from the Say Hey message board for generally being a nutcase and causing all sorts of troublesome nonsense. And if the following Email chain is anything to go by, I'd say that her tenure on Say Hey was nothing but a dummy run.
In fact, the whole escapade was so completely bonkers that I decided to hang on to all of her messages in the hope that, one day, I may live to document the whole sorry tale for posterity. Indeed, I still have all of her Emails sitting in my Yahoo mail box to this day.
So, without further ado, make a cup of tea, have a seat, put your feet up. This is going to take a while. It gives me great "pleasure" to tell you a story about a big bad internet troll. Her name was Sarah and she was the biggest Kylei fan in the whole wide world...
Subject: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i need to tell and warn all of the fans abot neil and mullo telling everybody I am not a real kylei fan I have seen Kylei many times in the person and not just on the tv screen like neils rude suggestions.
he stole some very precious tickets from me and sold them on limbo he is a thief
do not visit limbo it is for his monies and not for the real fans like us and me
it will soon be shut after my actions
a secret fan
Not people to be known for their empathy, the other fans were *not* amused...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Mitch"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Great fan you are.
You can't even write her name right!
Or is there also another singer named: Kylei??
But Sarah would not be abated...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Mitch", kylie@rhythm.cx
thats not right i am her biggest with all the albums and cassettes
Cassettes indeed!! Well, anyone who has all of Kylie's cassettes must surely be a real fan, don't you reckon? In any case, Robert comes forward as an early supporter...
From: "Robert"
To: "Sarah U" a_real_fan@xxx.com, kylie@rhythm.cx
Hello All
I haven't written to the list in years BUT Sarah is just an overexcited devoted Kylie fan - 100% - we should appreciate that the world is full of all different types and we should celebrate the uniqueness of all people and not become so Hot Headed over some peoples peculiarities
Rob :)
Wise words indeed. Except, proving that internet trolls will feed on every scrap of attention they're ever fed, that was all Sarah needed to truly begin her reign of terror on the mailing list, nicely signified by her metamorphosis from "Sarah U" to "Real Fan"...
Subject: RE: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Real Fan" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Robert", kylie@rhythm.cx
i am glad to see there is another real big fan on here that understand the world of kylei
thanks for the support
But the support doesn't last for long...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Andy"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Ok, sorry to sound rude but I think we need to call the men in white coats on this one ...
A
Sarah's reply?
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Real Fan" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Andy", kylie@rhythm.cx
who are you to say that to me anyway maybe the world is full of kylie pretenders anyway and not the real world fans like me and robert and cher
Bwahahahahaha.... like who???
Subject: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Real Fan" a_real_fan@hotmail.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i will not have people say i am not a fan i have allof the albums on cassette and some on cd,i even collect dannys stuff becuase she is her sister - i have kisses and love and i am saving for the new one
if anyone wants to swap that would be cool, got 2 of kylie album
thanks,
But someone remembers her from Say Hey and want to say his piece...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Kay Lee"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
OMG!!! Didn't you have enough on Say Hey?!?!
Stop spamming this mailing list!
Or start writing more inteligent letters...
Kay Lee
Sarah jumps in to defend herself, with a cute reference to not one, but two Kylie songs from 1988 - spot them? - blimey, she *is* a real fan!! Or, checking the "From" tag, perhaps she's something else entirely?
Re: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Kay Lee", kylie@rhythm.cx
well its no secret that you didn't want me on say hey
why cant we all be fans and turn it into love or are you like neil and mullo as well
Which prompts Kay Lee to tell it like it is...
Re: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Kay Lee"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Can't you write more than one or two sentences in one email?
You've written almost 10 emails during short time!
My mailbox is still full of your short letters!
Shake your head and learn how to write emails.
It's not strange that people didn't want you on Say Hey. You made them all tired.
I hope you understand.
Kay Lee
So, what's a girl to do? Sarah tries to limit the damage done and only succeeds in making more...
[ No Subject ]
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
hello kylie fans ...
thansk for leeting me be on this list sorry about my ravings on neil and limbo and sey hey but they were out of order in their non kylie world attitude
all i can say is that i am happy to be part of this kylie world
a bit about me ...
i am a big fan, have been since 1988 until today (and tomorrow - he, he), i also love her sister danny, and have lots of them albums on casstete and cd
some questions about kylie:
what is dannys middle name?
how old is danny?
after kisses and love what was the next album?
what year was the interview between princess di and kylie and was it on the tv screen?
c u soon, love a real fand
x
So "snoochie boochies" tries to talk some sense into the Real Fan/Fanny/Fand...
Subject: Re: the 'real fan'
From: "snoochie boochies"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
has anyone even argued that you're not a real fan yet?? no offence but it seems to me all you keep doing is defending yourself by listing all the kylie and 'danny' (by the way its dannii) stuff you have... maybe you should try just disscussing what other messages people have written instead of spamming all our inboxes with the same messages about you being a 'real fan'
just a suggestion... :)
But it royally backfires, when things reach spectacular new heights of bat-shit craziness...
Subject: Kylie Poem
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
mulo and Neil say no,
making money off the limbo,
there is a girl who they say is rude,
and take her off the inter-web
don't they know there is people without food
so why dont they hear what kylei said
she is on the songs
the records play they are never wrong
cher and danny and princess di agree
the girl in the chat room was never angry
and the tickets were sold for many pounds
the battle was lost but kylie was foound
Hi-frickin-larious, right? And just in case you haven't realised this is all a huge joke by now, have a gander at this...
Subject: new kylie sigle - yes!
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
heard today on the radio news that kylies new single is going to be released soon they eve played a preview my friend from the record company sent me the kyiel lyrics ..
So lovers live a little longer, baby
You and me, we got a chance to live twice
Lovers live a little longer, ain't that nice
Lovers live a little longer, baby
What a feeling when I hold you tight
Lovers live a little longer, yeah
But Matt is quick to jump in and point out that, surprise surprise, the news is bogus...
Subject: Re: new kylie sigle - yes!
From: "Matt"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Funnily enough, a search using three separate search engines just now has yielded precisely zero returns referencing "Lovers Live A Little Longer" (or any variations on that theme) as a new Kylie single or, in fact, as anything even remotely related to Kylie in any way. SURPRISE!
Might I suggest that the list was travelling along quite nicely prior to Ms Fanny's arrival and will continue to do so should she depart any time soon. That's about as politely as I can put it ;-)
Matt 8^)
Never one to be deterred in letting the world know of her superior fandom, the Real Fanny lets rip...
Subject: KYLIE: i knw that they are laughong
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i knw that they are laughing - ha, ha, laughing on the other side of there face if they knew how big a fan i am. i know stuff about kylie my dad is very high u and knows record company stuuf about songs and mixes not even danny and cher have so i asked if he could get a cassette of the rare songs and he said yes and ia m not going to share it becuase all you do is laugh
long live kylie
down with limbo
what until u hear the new signle ...mine
But Michael's response is simply priceless...
Re: KYLIE: i knw that they are laughong
From: "Michael"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
> my dad is very high
well we know he's not in psychiatry.
But then again, Sarah's like a terrier with a stick with this one, as she tells us a story about "seeing" Kylie on the radio...
Subject: KYLIE: NEW SINGLE
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i saw kyli on the radio today and they were definitley playing her new single 'lovers live a little longer', so perhaps the laughing will stop now - ha, ha. wait until the single goes to number one for 25 weeks across the whole wide world - that would be great, even the eskimos will buy it - he, he
hopefully there will be some really cool remixes, i am sure she has got some cool stuff planned for the new album, perhaps duets with danny and chere, that would be great
By now, everyone is truly wondering just who the heck Ms. Ure *really* is. So much so, that Michael thinks he's got it sussed...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEW SINGLE
From: "Michael"
To: "Real Fanny", kylie@rhythm.cx
this has got to be that Michael guy...y'know the one asking about what time kylie took a bathroom break while filming the loco-motion video...he must have gotten a new identity and email and rejoined the list.
And maybe Sarah herself remembered that Michaelmoval was indeed bat-shit bonkers too and wanted to distance herself. Don't you love it when even the trolls don't want to associate with trolls?
Subject: KYLIE: i am not mad
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
so sme of you think i am a bit of a mad person or that i age 8, well i am not maybe mad about kliye and danny but thats it and i dont care about your laughing and all the words you are saying becasue ia m not goin away never because i am kylies biggest fan eve and i have as much right as you to be on this list
didnt you think i would see thhose emails you writted about me , this is a mailing list you know, of course i will see them, maybe you are the mad ones - he he
By now things begin to get *really* weird. Take a look at Sarah's Email address. Then look again...
Subject: KYLIE: branded new kylei song
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan_@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i have hope of everyone having great easter
Oh, by the way, I just saw Kylei on the radio and they were definitely playing her NEW single! I can't remember the title, but it was about 99 of something .... maybe red balloons? What a weird song! Who would ever write a song about 99 red balloons?? I wonder what happened to the 100th one. Maybe they blew too much air inside of it and it exploded. Still it's strange that they didn't have any extra balloons to replace it....
b-side is also new song "kisses of fire". it plays real good, real funky hot sexy momma disco track. "kisses of fire burning burning, i'm on the point of no returning, kisses of fire sweet devotion, caught in a landslide of emotion". it should be the a-side or maybe double a-side, or triple a-side! yes, I think even the eskimos will buy that one.
love to everyone, even those who are mean
_a_real_fan
And everyone, (I have to say, me included) falls for it, hook line and sinker...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: branded new kylei song
From: "Matt Dunn"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Let me get this straight : the "new Kylei single" that this person claims to keep "seeing" on the radio has morphed from a cover of a 1979 ABBA track into a cover of 99 Luftballons? And a different, yet still reasonably obscure 1979 ABBA track is now the b-side? If this chick's an ABBA fan, then Voulez-Vous is clearly her favourite ABBA album.
As for the rest of what she rambled on about ... a few weeks ago someone said she was probably just an over-eager fan or a kid who probably can't spell very well. I can't comment about that, but this e-mail only proves how far away the planet she lives on is ;-)
Matt 8^)
That is, everyone except for the Real Fanny, of course...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: brandon minogue
Monday, 28 April, 2003 23:14
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: a_real_fan_@xxx.com, kylie@rhythm.cx
is this some kind of fuuny
i am sarah not this person whi is tryting to pretend to be me - ha ha it all very funny isn't it!
are you neil or mullo making the fun again?
i bet you think you are so funny making it out of me.
Yes i can spell Kylie see - Kylie, Kylie, Kylie
the only joke here is you!
But still it comes and it comes...
RE: RE: KYLIE: branded new kylei song
From: "Sarah U"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
thank you to the kindness fan from italia who promises to make me a copy of new kylei cds onto tape. you are the kindness fan on this whole list I will send him the brandon demos if I get them.
the other fans who send abuse to my inbox make me very angry and sad. may be the news people tell me is not always 1000% real, and I maked mistake, but I am not the only one on kylei mailng list who is not 999% accurated why are rumors from me banned, but ok from other fans? the person who writes to me and asks for the size of my boobs is very rude and there was more disgusting things if this abuse occurs in future I will be forced to leave this list and take all my branded new news with me. I will set up a new kyeli list
But when the joke begins to wear a little thin, it's time for another poem...
Subject: KYLIE: my last ever email to rythhhm and a poem
From: "Sarah U"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
ok thats it!!
I've really had enough now. people saying I am not a real fan. people who use big words to try and confuse me. you dont' deserve me so I will go and form the bestest kylei club ever. anyone who is a kindness fan is welcome by me to me a member. we can share the good news together and always live in the happiness of kylei.here is my speicial new group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kylei/
I will say goodbye with a special poem.
it seems no time since we all started out
with dreams of what could be
so short it seems now the end is here
and we're faced with reality
now this is the end, the end of the show
the emails have stopped for good
but good friends are forever and so are the memories
which live on as we hoped they would
goodbye...and see you at Kylei's Electrical Fans group.
Oh dear bloody lord in hell, but I'll give the fake real fan her dues, she's a fan for certain, as jAy-jAyS explains...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: Fanny's poem
From: "jAy-jAyS"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
um, i couldn't really tell if you were being sarcastic about that, so if you were read on, if not, pretend you don't realise i'm an idiot for not noticing...
the poem she "wrote" was basically the poem entry by Kylie in her high school yearbook, which you may have either seen on eBay at the moment or by someone who just posted it to a list (not sure if it was this one). only the original was about her filming in a mini-series.
- jAy-jAyS
By this point, people are wise to the fake Sarah but, what's weird is, it doesn't seem to matter. The "real" Sarah has been absent for weeks by this stage in the story. In the meantime, the "Electrical Kylei fans" Yahoo group (which really has been set up) has gained about five new members. But hang tight folks, this tale is about to jump the shark, big time. As the list receives an Email message from mother Fanny...
Subject: KYLIE: A special message from Sarah's mother
From: "Sarah U"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Good day fans of ‘Kylie Minogue’.
Through the use of CyberNanny filter software, it has come to my attention that my 13-year old daughter Sarah yesterday sent an expletive-filled e-mail to your group, involving the word, ahem, “excrement” shall we say. Further enquiries have revealed that she has been involved in several inflamed arguments on this group.
I wish to sincerely apologise for any disturbance she may have caused, and want to assure you that her e-mail privileges have been curtailed, and she won’t be bothering you any further. We are investigating the possibility of sending her for a course of counselling.
As a precaution I have also had to remove from her bedroom the remnants of some digital audio tapes that she destroyed, along with a sizeable collection of Kylie Minogue memorabilia. I have been advised that such material may be of interest to others, and it has been suggested that I offer it for sale on the eBay auction website, however I do not wish to encourage the unhealthy fandom that has bestruck my daughter, and await further advice from health professionals.
Yours cordially,
Mrs. Clarabelle Utrecht.
Hilarious as this is, Matt, ever the sensible one, throws in his two-cents...
Subject: Re: FW: KYLIE: A special message from Sarah's mother
From: "Matt Dunn"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
I don't wanna sound like a killjoy here guys, but am I the only one who thinks this has dissolved into inane stupidity? It might have been kinda funny the first few times - possibly funnier if you knew who the "original" Sarah U was - but it isn't even slightest amusing any more. Can't we just evict the real fanny and her mother from the house now?
Matt 8^)
What did he mean "if we knew who the original Sarah U was"? How on Earth did *he* know? Or maybe it was just a guess on his part since even he is still a tad confused by the whole affair...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: non kylie "how do i get out of this insane asylum"
From: "Matt Dunn"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx>
call me dumb if you will, but I still don't understand. Who is Sarah U? Who is the person writing this? Was Sarah U a real person in the first place? If so, was the whole Sarah / Real Fanny thing meant to make sense to anyone who didn't know of her outside of the list? I've been on this list for a long time now and I freely admit to not having a single clue what the hell is going on!
Matt 8^)
But at long last, all was about to be revealed. Or was it?
Subject: Re: KYLIE: non kylie "how do i get out of this insane asylum"
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan_@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
hey u's
i knew that you were laughong, laughong on the inside of this insanousity house! my mummy clarabelel put me here for listenng to so much kylei and my exploded tape of rare deleted out-of-bounds super kindness unreleased kylei demos, but i have excsaped ha ha....
...ok, ok, so the joke's over, and you all know who I am. I invented the new "real fan" persona while reviewing the activity of this list over the last few months, as I become increasingly disgusted in the way we (yes, I blame myself as well) had treated Sarah/a_real_fan. Sarah never did any real harm, and yet she was practically hounded off the list, while we let the mercenary charlatans who try to sell fake recordings go by almost without a word. Not to mention the endless parade of fake tracklistings, and genuinely mischevious dodgy information. Could it be that we feel the need to attack her because she's a woman (i.e. not a gay male like most of the rest of us). Whatever... it's time to stop attacking people for their naive, enthusiastic love of Kylie, or even Kylei ;-) As Sinead O'Connor said, "fight the real enemy!"
Oh, and moderator dear, if you're going to kick someone off the list, it would be polite to at least let the person involved know that it's about to happen.
Thanks for all the off-list messages of support from those who understood what I was trying to do. I hope it gives the rest of you food for thought about the way you treat people.
Cheerio.
Holy. heck. Are you surprised to find out that this *wasn't* the last we heard from Real Fan/Fanny/Sarah U? Even after the fake had proclaimed itself a fake and, in fact, there was still the dubiety of whether or not the original Sarah persona had been a fabrication also, she still popped up on the list from time to time. Usually to remind us how boring the list had gotten since her departure.
And although a certain few claimed to know the identity of the fake Sarah - and indeed the true identity of the "real" Sarah - they never *ever* spilled the beans in public, meaning that this mystery remains exactly that to this day - a mystery.
Now, who out there knows the answer? Email me please, and let me know. I'll be happy to tell the world, right here on this blog.
The Sarah escapade happened more than eight years ago. The "kylie@rhythm.cx" mailing list doesn't even exist any more. Nevertheless, the mere mention of her name is still enough to send a chill down the spine of anyone who was silly enough to try and communicate with her.
Legend has it that by the time Sarah popped up out of nowhere, one spring afternoon in 2003, she'd already been banned for life from the Say Hey message board for generally being a nutcase and causing all sorts of troublesome nonsense. And if the following Email chain is anything to go by, I'd say that her tenure on Say Hey was nothing but a dummy run.
In fact, the whole escapade was so completely bonkers that I decided to hang on to all of her messages in the hope that, one day, I may live to document the whole sorry tale for posterity. Indeed, I still have all of her Emails sitting in my Yahoo mail box to this day.
So, without further ado, make a cup of tea, have a seat, put your feet up. This is going to take a while. It gives me great "pleasure" to tell you a story about a big bad internet troll. Her name was Sarah and she was the biggest Kylei fan in the whole wide world...
Subject: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i need to tell and warn all of the fans abot neil and mullo telling everybody I am not a real kylei fan I have seen Kylei many times in the person and not just on the tv screen like neils rude suggestions.
he stole some very precious tickets from me and sold them on limbo he is a thief
do not visit limbo it is for his monies and not for the real fans like us and me
it will soon be shut after my actions
a secret fan
Not people to be known for their empathy, the other fans were *not* amused...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Mitch"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Great fan you are.
You can't even write her name right!
Or is there also another singer named: Kylei??
But Sarah would not be abated...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Mitch", kylie@rhythm.cx
thats not right i am her biggest with all the albums and cassettes
Cassettes indeed!! Well, anyone who has all of Kylie's cassettes must surely be a real fan, don't you reckon? In any case, Robert comes forward as an early supporter...
From: "Robert"
To: "Sarah U" a_real_fan@xxx.com, kylie@rhythm.cx
Hello All
I haven't written to the list in years BUT Sarah is just an overexcited devoted Kylie fan - 100% - we should appreciate that the world is full of all different types and we should celebrate the uniqueness of all people and not become so Hot Headed over some peoples peculiarities
Rob :)
Wise words indeed. Except, proving that internet trolls will feed on every scrap of attention they're ever fed, that was all Sarah needed to truly begin her reign of terror on the mailing list, nicely signified by her metamorphosis from "Sarah U" to "Real Fan"...
Subject: RE: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Real Fan" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Robert", kylie@rhythm.cx
i am glad to see there is another real big fan on here that understand the world of kylei
thanks for the support
But the support doesn't last for long...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Andy"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Ok, sorry to sound rude but I think we need to call the men in white coats on this one ...
A
Sarah's reply?
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEIL AND LIMBO - NO!
From: "Real Fan" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Andy", kylie@rhythm.cx
who are you to say that to me anyway maybe the world is full of kylie pretenders anyway and not the real world fans like me and robert and cher
Bwahahahahaha.... like who???
Subject: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Real Fan" a_real_fan@hotmail.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i will not have people say i am not a fan i have allof the albums on cassette and some on cd,i even collect dannys stuff becuase she is her sister - i have kisses and love and i am saving for the new one
if anyone wants to swap that would be cool, got 2 of kylie album
thanks,
But someone remembers her from Say Hey and want to say his piece...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Kay Lee"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
OMG!!! Didn't you have enough on Say Hey?!?!
Stop spamming this mailing list!
Or start writing more inteligent letters...
Kay Lee
Sarah jumps in to defend herself, with a cute reference to not one, but two Kylie songs from 1988 - spot them? - blimey, she *is* a real fan!! Or, checking the "From" tag, perhaps she's something else entirely?
Re: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: "Kay Lee", kylie@rhythm.cx
well its no secret that you didn't want me on say hey
why cant we all be fans and turn it into love or are you like neil and mullo as well
Which prompts Kay Lee to tell it like it is...
Re: KYLIE: Real Fand
From: "Kay Lee"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Can't you write more than one or two sentences in one email?
You've written almost 10 emails during short time!
My mailbox is still full of your short letters!
Shake your head and learn how to write emails.
It's not strange that people didn't want you on Say Hey. You made them all tired.
I hope you understand.
Kay Lee
So, what's a girl to do? Sarah tries to limit the damage done and only succeeds in making more...
[ No Subject ]
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
hello kylie fans ...
thansk for leeting me be on this list sorry about my ravings on neil and limbo and sey hey but they were out of order in their non kylie world attitude
all i can say is that i am happy to be part of this kylie world
a bit about me ...
i am a big fan, have been since 1988 until today (and tomorrow - he, he), i also love her sister danny, and have lots of them albums on casstete and cd
some questions about kylie:
what is dannys middle name?
how old is danny?
after kisses and love what was the next album?
what year was the interview between princess di and kylie and was it on the tv screen?
c u soon, love a real fand
x
So "snoochie boochies" tries to talk some sense into the Real Fan/Fanny/Fand...
Subject: Re: the 'real fan'
From: "snoochie boochies"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
has anyone even argued that you're not a real fan yet?? no offence but it seems to me all you keep doing is defending yourself by listing all the kylie and 'danny' (by the way its dannii) stuff you have... maybe you should try just disscussing what other messages people have written instead of spamming all our inboxes with the same messages about you being a 'real fan'
just a suggestion... :)
But it royally backfires, when things reach spectacular new heights of bat-shit craziness...
Subject: Kylie Poem
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
mulo and Neil say no,
making money off the limbo,
there is a girl who they say is rude,
and take her off the inter-web
don't they know there is people without food
so why dont they hear what kylei said
she is on the songs
the records play they are never wrong
cher and danny and princess di agree
the girl in the chat room was never angry
and the tickets were sold for many pounds
the battle was lost but kylie was foound
Hi-frickin-larious, right? And just in case you haven't realised this is all a huge joke by now, have a gander at this...
Subject: new kylie sigle - yes!
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
heard today on the radio news that kylies new single is going to be released soon they eve played a preview my friend from the record company sent me the kyiel lyrics ..
So lovers live a little longer, baby
You and me, we got a chance to live twice
Lovers live a little longer, ain't that nice
Lovers live a little longer, baby
What a feeling when I hold you tight
Lovers live a little longer, yeah
But Matt is quick to jump in and point out that, surprise surprise, the news is bogus...
Subject: Re: new kylie sigle - yes!
From: "Matt"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Funnily enough, a search using three separate search engines just now has yielded precisely zero returns referencing "Lovers Live A Little Longer" (or any variations on that theme) as a new Kylie single or, in fact, as anything even remotely related to Kylie in any way. SURPRISE!
Might I suggest that the list was travelling along quite nicely prior to Ms Fanny's arrival and will continue to do so should she depart any time soon. That's about as politely as I can put it ;-)
Matt 8^)
Never one to be deterred in letting the world know of her superior fandom, the Real Fanny lets rip...
Subject: KYLIE: i knw that they are laughong
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i knw that they are laughing - ha, ha, laughing on the other side of there face if they knew how big a fan i am. i know stuff about kylie my dad is very high u and knows record company stuuf about songs and mixes not even danny and cher have so i asked if he could get a cassette of the rare songs and he said yes and ia m not going to share it becuase all you do is laugh
long live kylie
down with limbo
what until u hear the new signle ...mine
But Michael's response is simply priceless...
Re: KYLIE: i knw that they are laughong
From: "Michael"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
> my dad is very high
well we know he's not in psychiatry.
But then again, Sarah's like a terrier with a stick with this one, as she tells us a story about "seeing" Kylie on the radio...
Subject: KYLIE: NEW SINGLE
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i saw kyli on the radio today and they were definitley playing her new single 'lovers live a little longer', so perhaps the laughing will stop now - ha, ha. wait until the single goes to number one for 25 weeks across the whole wide world - that would be great, even the eskimos will buy it - he, he
hopefully there will be some really cool remixes, i am sure she has got some cool stuff planned for the new album, perhaps duets with danny and chere, that would be great
By now, everyone is truly wondering just who the heck Ms. Ure *really* is. So much so, that Michael thinks he's got it sussed...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: NEW SINGLE
From: "Michael"
To: "Real Fanny", kylie@rhythm.cx
this has got to be that Michael guy...y'know the one asking about what time kylie took a bathroom break while filming the loco-motion video...he must have gotten a new identity and email and rejoined the list.
And maybe Sarah herself remembered that Michaelmoval was indeed bat-shit bonkers too and wanted to distance herself. Don't you love it when even the trolls don't want to associate with trolls?
Subject: KYLIE: i am not mad
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
so sme of you think i am a bit of a mad person or that i age 8, well i am not maybe mad about kliye and danny but thats it and i dont care about your laughing and all the words you are saying becasue ia m not goin away never because i am kylies biggest fan eve and i have as much right as you to be on this list
didnt you think i would see thhose emails you writted about me , this is a mailing list you know, of course i will see them, maybe you are the mad ones - he he
By now things begin to get *really* weird. Take a look at Sarah's Email address. Then look again...
Subject: KYLIE: branded new kylei song
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan_@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
i have hope of everyone having great easter
Oh, by the way, I just saw Kylei on the radio and they were definitely playing her NEW single! I can't remember the title, but it was about 99 of something .... maybe red balloons? What a weird song! Who would ever write a song about 99 red balloons?? I wonder what happened to the 100th one. Maybe they blew too much air inside of it and it exploded. Still it's strange that they didn't have any extra balloons to replace it....
b-side is also new song "kisses of fire". it plays real good, real funky hot sexy momma disco track. "kisses of fire burning burning, i'm on the point of no returning, kisses of fire sweet devotion, caught in a landslide of emotion". it should be the a-side or maybe double a-side, or triple a-side! yes, I think even the eskimos will buy that one.
love to everyone, even those who are mean
_a_real_fan
And everyone, (I have to say, me included) falls for it, hook line and sinker...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: branded new kylei song
From: "Matt Dunn"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Let me get this straight : the "new Kylei single" that this person claims to keep "seeing" on the radio has morphed from a cover of a 1979 ABBA track into a cover of 99 Luftballons? And a different, yet still reasonably obscure 1979 ABBA track is now the b-side? If this chick's an ABBA fan, then Voulez-Vous is clearly her favourite ABBA album.
As for the rest of what she rambled on about ... a few weeks ago someone said she was probably just an over-eager fan or a kid who probably can't spell very well. I can't comment about that, but this e-mail only proves how far away the planet she lives on is ;-)
Matt 8^)
That is, everyone except for the Real Fanny, of course...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: brandon minogue
Monday, 28 April, 2003 23:14
From: "Real Fanny" a_real_fan@xxx.com
To: a_real_fan_@xxx.com, kylie@rhythm.cx
is this some kind of fuuny
i am sarah not this person whi is tryting to pretend to be me - ha ha it all very funny isn't it!
are you neil or mullo making the fun again?
i bet you think you are so funny making it out of me.
Yes i can spell Kylie see - Kylie, Kylie, Kylie
the only joke here is you!
But still it comes and it comes...
RE: RE: KYLIE: branded new kylei song
From: "Sarah U"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
thank you to the kindness fan from italia who promises to make me a copy of new kylei cds onto tape. you are the kindness fan on this whole list I will send him the brandon demos if I get them.
the other fans who send abuse to my inbox make me very angry and sad. may be the news people tell me is not always 1000% real, and I maked mistake, but I am not the only one on kylei mailng list who is not 999% accurated why are rumors from me banned, but ok from other fans? the person who writes to me and asks for the size of my boobs is very rude and there was more disgusting things if this abuse occurs in future I will be forced to leave this list and take all my branded new news with me. I will set up a new kyeli list
But when the joke begins to wear a little thin, it's time for another poem...
Subject: KYLIE: my last ever email to rythhhm and a poem
From: "Sarah U"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
ok thats it!!
I've really had enough now. people saying I am not a real fan. people who use big words to try and confuse me. you dont' deserve me so I will go and form the bestest kylei club ever. anyone who is a kindness fan is welcome by me to me a member. we can share the good news together and always live in the happiness of kylei.here is my speicial new group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kylei/
I will say goodbye with a special poem.
it seems no time since we all started out
with dreams of what could be
so short it seems now the end is here
and we're faced with reality
now this is the end, the end of the show
the emails have stopped for good
but good friends are forever and so are the memories
which live on as we hoped they would
goodbye...and see you at Kylei's Electrical Fans group.
Oh dear bloody lord in hell, but I'll give the fake real fan her dues, she's a fan for certain, as jAy-jAyS explains...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: Fanny's poem
From: "jAy-jAyS"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
um, i couldn't really tell if you were being sarcastic about that, so if you were read on, if not, pretend you don't realise i'm an idiot for not noticing...
the poem she "wrote" was basically the poem entry by Kylie in her high school yearbook, which you may have either seen on eBay at the moment or by someone who just posted it to a list (not sure if it was this one). only the original was about her filming in a mini-series.
- jAy-jAyS
By this point, people are wise to the fake Sarah but, what's weird is, it doesn't seem to matter. The "real" Sarah has been absent for weeks by this stage in the story. In the meantime, the "Electrical Kylei fans" Yahoo group (which really has been set up) has gained about five new members. But hang tight folks, this tale is about to jump the shark, big time. As the list receives an Email message from mother Fanny...
Subject: KYLIE: A special message from Sarah's mother
From: "Sarah U"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
Good day fans of ‘Kylie Minogue’.
Through the use of CyberNanny filter software, it has come to my attention that my 13-year old daughter Sarah yesterday sent an expletive-filled e-mail to your group, involving the word, ahem, “excrement” shall we say. Further enquiries have revealed that she has been involved in several inflamed arguments on this group.
I wish to sincerely apologise for any disturbance she may have caused, and want to assure you that her e-mail privileges have been curtailed, and she won’t be bothering you any further. We are investigating the possibility of sending her for a course of counselling.
As a precaution I have also had to remove from her bedroom the remnants of some digital audio tapes that she destroyed, along with a sizeable collection of Kylie Minogue memorabilia. I have been advised that such material may be of interest to others, and it has been suggested that I offer it for sale on the eBay auction website, however I do not wish to encourage the unhealthy fandom that has bestruck my daughter, and await further advice from health professionals.
Yours cordially,
Mrs. Clarabelle Utrecht.
Hilarious as this is, Matt, ever the sensible one, throws in his two-cents...
Subject: Re: FW: KYLIE: A special message from Sarah's mother
From: "Matt Dunn"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
I don't wanna sound like a killjoy here guys, but am I the only one who thinks this has dissolved into inane stupidity? It might have been kinda funny the first few times - possibly funnier if you knew who the "original" Sarah U was - but it isn't even slightest amusing any more. Can't we just evict the real fanny and her mother from the house now?
Matt 8^)
What did he mean "if we knew who the original Sarah U was"? How on Earth did *he* know? Or maybe it was just a guess on his part since even he is still a tad confused by the whole affair...
Subject: Re: KYLIE: non kylie "how do i get out of this insane asylum"
From: "Matt Dunn"
To: kylie@rhythm.cx>
call me dumb if you will, but I still don't understand. Who is Sarah U? Who is the person writing this? Was Sarah U a real person in the first place? If so, was the whole Sarah / Real Fanny thing meant to make sense to anyone who didn't know of her outside of the list? I've been on this list for a long time now and I freely admit to not having a single clue what the hell is going on!
Matt 8^)
But at long last, all was about to be revealed. Or was it?
Subject: Re: KYLIE: non kylie "how do i get out of this insane asylum"
From: "Sarah U" a_real_fan_@xxx.com
To: kylie@rhythm.cx
hey u's
i knew that you were laughong, laughong on the inside of this insanousity house! my mummy clarabelel put me here for listenng to so much kylei and my exploded tape of rare deleted out-of-bounds super kindness unreleased kylei demos, but i have excsaped ha ha....
...ok, ok, so the joke's over, and you all know who I am. I invented the new "real fan" persona while reviewing the activity of this list over the last few months, as I become increasingly disgusted in the way we (yes, I blame myself as well) had treated Sarah/a_real_fan. Sarah never did any real harm, and yet she was practically hounded off the list, while we let the mercenary charlatans who try to sell fake recordings go by almost without a word. Not to mention the endless parade of fake tracklistings, and genuinely mischevious dodgy information. Could it be that we feel the need to attack her because she's a woman (i.e. not a gay male like most of the rest of us). Whatever... it's time to stop attacking people for their naive, enthusiastic love of Kylie, or even Kylei ;-) As Sinead O'Connor said, "fight the real enemy!"
Oh, and moderator dear, if you're going to kick someone off the list, it would be polite to at least let the person involved know that it's about to happen.
Thanks for all the off-list messages of support from those who understood what I was trying to do. I hope it gives the rest of you food for thought about the way you treat people.
Cheerio.
Holy. heck. Are you surprised to find out that this *wasn't* the last we heard from Real Fan/Fanny/Sarah U? Even after the fake had proclaimed itself a fake and, in fact, there was still the dubiety of whether or not the original Sarah persona had been a fabrication also, she still popped up on the list from time to time. Usually to remind us how boring the list had gotten since her departure.
And although a certain few claimed to know the identity of the fake Sarah - and indeed the true identity of the "real" Sarah - they never *ever* spilled the beans in public, meaning that this mystery remains exactly that to this day - a mystery.
Now, who out there knows the answer? Email me please, and let me know. I'll be happy to tell the world, right here on this blog.
posted by newplanet @ 2:00 PM
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